A few nights ago I had a long conversation with one of my best friends. The same conversation so many women have about finding Mr Perfect but with a twist. After so many years of dating, relationships and conversations about them, we’ve found out one thing. We are incapable of finding Mr Perfect; and what’s worse, we wouldn’t even believe it if we did find that uncatchable catch.
Let’s face it. So many of us have been in relationships and settled for less than great. As time goes by in these relationships we find ourselves less and less willing to stand for what we once accepted. For some, this is sooner than later. Others, don’t have the strength or self confidence to call it quits when they should. Either way, when we allow mistreatment, we find ourselves beat up and defeated when it’s over. As always, we vow never to stand for it again. Yet, I’ve realized we accept the same amount of crap the next time around. Go figure.
We can blame self esteem, or the generation of the people we choose to date, or those damn fairy tales we watched growing up. That’s what I used to do. Like how did Prince charming know where to find Snow White? He just decided to take a ride through the forest one day, saw this hot chick stuck asleep then decided to kiss her and they would live happily ever after? Ya… cause that’s going to happen for any of us. I have no idea how many of my friends (myself included) have started every relationship thinking ‘oh my God. He could be the one’. Dude. We just met these guys and they are already on a pedestal? How the hell did that happen? But that’s youth for you. After ‘maybe he’s Mr Perfect’ turns into that jerk you end up blocking on instagram happens a few times you stop putting these strangers on pedestals. Your hopeless romantic side takes a turn and you find yourself approaching dating a whole new way.
You begin every first date with the ‘I’m going to find out what’s wrong with this guy before I get screwed over again’ attitude. That usually doesn’t get a girl too far. Every once in a while, guys get past round one of Ms Skeptic and you may find yourself in a relationship again. After all the crap you’ve endured in the past, you find yourself in a worse place than before. You’ve found yourself with a good guy and things are going well. But now… one has to wonder; when will the other shoe drop? Constant doubt fills your mind. We may even find ourselves with our own versions of Mr Right but the past clouds your current judgement.
Everything is great, he is so perfect. But is he? How can he be? Joe Schmoe treated me so bad and this guy is treating me so awesome. Why? How could someone so right want someone who’s been treated so wrong? Is he seeing someone else? Is he really this great or is it just this just an act? Is he going to get tired of me then act like the other guys did? Is this even real? Does what I want even exist?
Want to blame the men before the ‘he could be Mr Right’? Me too. But then that wouldn’t be right either. I guess this is why there will always be work for shrinks out there. Even if you get past your past, your friends have some more crap they are dealing with because of the asshole that is screwing them over. It is a constant struggle. We’ve been trying to get through it just find that one thing that everyone is looking for. We all want to love and be loved back. But can we get past the past the past long enough to enjoy the present and believe in a future?
Only time will tell I guess. In the meantime, I suggest to stay like Alice from Wonderland. Keep following the bunny down the rabbit hole to see where it goes. You might find a world you’ve been looking for.