Am I really my own worst enemy?

Anyone else ever feel this way? Gawd. Why does it seem like every time things are starting to go extremely well, a little nagging voice pops up in the back of your mind to derail everything? I know I am not the only one.  I happen to be a very vocal female and my friends agree whenever we discuss the above mentioned voice in our heads. That little voice seems to get the best of us more times than it doesn’t. This ‘voice’ is not exclusive to only women. Oh no. Men most certainly have it too. It’s that, ‘things have to be going too well and there must be some shoe that will drop and I think I am going to figure it out before the damn shoe drops on me’ thought that we all have even when we shouldn’t.

girl interrupted

If I had a nickle for every time I thought I was doing myself a favor by thinking I knew what’s coming I’d be a richer than Elon Musk. I’ve had so many fights with family members and lifelong friends because of that weird little twitch that sends me into a hyper over analytical mode that can’t be shut off. Fortunately, my loved ones know I only mean well and tend to have an abundance of forgiveness in their hearts for when my alter ego obsessive detective comes out from hiding and makes a fool out of me. Like I mentioned before, I know for a fact that I am not the only one who has fallen victim to the ‘own worst enemy’ thoughts we all have. I too have had to deal with a loved one who was dealing with their own ‘wait something isn’t right here and I know it can’t just be me’ thoughts that circled around me. I have forgiven just as others have forgiven me.

girl questions

Now as if those stupid crazy thoughts that we all have aren’t bad enough, there is one thing that can make the above mentioned situations or circumstances even worse. Ready? Have you ever felt the unwarranted ‘something seems off’ feeling that is magnified by a trillion when someone close to you out of no where tells you the same crazy thought you’re already having?! Now I can’t tell you for sure what happens to a man if/when this happens, but here’s what happens to a woman when this strange coincidence occurs:

Your once almost controllable detective brain turns into a one track machine. There is no longer any reasonable doubt to keep you grounded. If you alone are thinking something terrible, that’s one thing. But two people thinking the same terrible thing simultaneously? It must be true. Proving said crazy, simultaneous terrible thought to be untrue is almost unheard of. Until of course, it is proven untrue with a little thing called reality. If or when reality bites into your whirlwind of doubt and accusations, you will end your zealous ‘let me prove what I think to be true’ rampage with a strange twist from where you started off. When it turns out you’ve been proven wrong, (aka crazy) you end up looking like a complete jerk and you walk away with your tail between your legs like an idiot.

cone of shame

Happens all the time. Through my trial and error, (mostly error of course) I’ve found the cone of shame feeling lasts an average of 2-4 days sometimes longer, depending on how crazy you acted at the time. Crying seems to generally add to the duration. As does professing deeply suppressed feelings of anxiety you had previously done such a good job of disguising. Yes my friends. There is a lesson to be learned here. That stupid little paranoid voice in your head is sometimes there to prevent crappy things from happening. Sometimes it is just going to throw a wrench in the works that is your life. The best thing we could possibly do in my humble opinion, is let things happen. Of course you want to listen to the voice of reason in your head. But you better make sure you have a hell of an argument and a mountain of evidence before you let that idea that’s sprouted in your head turn into the walk of shame once you’ve been proven wrong.

Now with all that being said, I’d like to end with something that will pretty much nullify everything I said so far in this entire blog. Mistakes suck and that voice in the back of my mind has caused me about as much heartache as it has actually saved me. Yet the best part of making the messes I’ve made, is finding out who will always be there to help me clean them up. I know I will jump to conclusions again. Hell there will probably be many more times I wear my very own ‘cone of shame’ in this lifetime. But I know no matter what, I’m going to have one hell of a laugh about it with the people who saw me at my worse. They are truly the only people who deserve me at my best.


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