Presidential race or episode of South Park?

Chicken-Little-on-CNNFor years, I’ve ran around looking as stupid as Chicken Little yelling, “the sky is falling, the sky is falling”. I’ve warned anyone who would listen about the dangers of apathy. No one would listen. The words bounced off of people’s foreheads like water on a ducks feathers. Now the time has come. The United States of America, the land of the free, has turned into something as trivial and stupid as an episode of South Park.

p184338_b_v9_acDon’t get me wrong here. I find that South Park is one of the best social commentaries of our time. Trey Parker and Matt Stone are nothing short of genius in their satirical representation of current events. One of my favorite episodes is from the eighth season. ‘Douche and Turd’. Episode number 119 to be exact. Anyone remember this episode? After the students were asked to vote on a new school mascot, it was down to two options; a douche, or a turd sandwich. douchenturdNow whether you’re a republican, democrat or other… you have to admit our current front runners to be the next president of the United States is a bit of a joke. I mean seriously… we are talking about the most coveted elected position in the nation. That being said, the most popular choices amongst the nation via popular poll are: Hillary Clinton, Donald Trump, and (I can’t believe this is real) Deez Nuts.


I swear, the founding forefathers must be just pissed as f*ck from beyond the grave. What the hell is going on here? 11% of men are more likely to vote for candidate Deez Nuts than the 9% who are just unsure who to vote for? That is 2% more men are confident in choosing a 15 year old kid from Iowa running for the presidency than not knowing who to vote for. I feel like I’m losing brain cells just trying to figure this out. Not to mention the other two running for president!

Hillary 2016Hillary Clinton. Love her or hate her… you know she is married to one of the only two presidents who were actually impeached. That’s right! That whole ‘stand by your man’ theory is kinda out the window when your husband perjurers himself to the point of being impeached from the office as President of the United States. This woman is still currently married to one of the two men in America’s history who screwed up bad enough for all of his buddies in the Senate voted him out of a job. Ya… this is a woman who’s judgement you can trust. Hey she handled that whole Benghazi situation great right? Ha. Just kidding.

Then we have the one and only Donald Trump. This real estate investor turned donald-trump-memes_12television reality star is the guy who can’t seem to quit insulting people. Wait did I say people? I meant nations. As if our foreign policy in the United States isn’t bad enough as it is! Could you imagine this guy in power? Mexico is getting more and more trigger happy every time Trump opens his mouth in some racist rant. But it’s okay right? It’s not like Mexico is our bordering nation or anything. Oh wait… Well at least he has a solid corporate financial background right? I mean that guy can sure run a profitable business. It only took 4 corporate bankruptcies for him to get his sh*t together.

Well hells bells. At least the presidency is only a four year term right? We could have a racist idiot who can’t run a business, or a drunk wasn’t my fault, I see nothing type of gal for just four short years. Even if one of these idiots make it into the oval office, we can get another president to lead our country out of turmoil 55e4a98ac4618864708b4581once tweedle dee or tweedle dumb are out. Ha. Just kidding… again. Kanye West, during what I can only presume was a an extremely intoxicated speech at the VMA’s this past week announced he will be running for president in 2020. Heaven help us.

We’re screwed. South Park has become a reality. We’ve created this world. It is a world created out of apathy, where credibility is measured through likes on social media. If you’re reading this and don’t understand how bad the situation is, God bless you and your ignorance.


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