~For my crazy fan K~
Today was one of those days I just had to break it down for someone. I had to keep it real. There was a woman who found herself in the middle of an unnecessary downward psycho spiral of doubt, insecurity, and just plain craziness. For the sake of anonymity, I will refer to her as ‘Samantha‘. ‘Samantha‘ had rationalized all of the crazy in a way we all have and was about to dig herself a grave she may not have been able to dig herself out of. After a while of listening to her vent, and trying to gently talk her down whilst explaining how she was over-reacting… her energy of negativity and doubt finally did the inevitable. It transferred itself… to whom you ask? To me.
Out of no where, I went from happy Heather, (maybe a little tired, but nonetheless happy) to a psycho, doubting, ball of confusion. My anxiety level was through the roof, I couldn’t focus on anything but negativity and I didn’t know why I felt like this all of the sudden. When it finally hit me, I immediately stopped the conversation and walked away. I had to take a moment to center myself and come to grips with the fact that the emotions I was going through were unwarranted. Once I had my wits about me again I returned to my little group of three, (myself, the crazy lady, and the crazy lady’s friend) to deal with what had just happened.
The niceties were gone. Sh*t got real. My happy place was being effed with and it took me a lot just to get back to it after a recent trip to crazy town of my own. I had to take my positive energy back and put ‘Samantha‘ in her place with a metaphorical smack to the back of the head aka reality. She was worried about some dude, who might think something about some girl, who didn’t mean anything, who didn’t do anything, but what if it did mean something, and it ended up being a thing. Jesus. After that whirlwind of sh*t thinking here was my advice to ‘Samantha‘:
Listen here woman. I’m going through my own crap and I’m finally happy. I can’t let your crazy make me crazy too. I have made a choice to be happy and am doing my very best to not think about the random crap that might be happening if when he said this but really meant that. Nothing really matters other than how you feel about a person and what is going on in the present. Yeah sure, you want to make sure your present leads to a better future and blah, blah, but don’t worry yourself with anything other than this very moment. Trying to predict the future is pointless and worrying about stuff that is beyond your control is a waste of time. You’re awesome. All kinds of it in fact. Your dude? He knows this. You’re worried about chicks being hot on your guy an hitting on him? That’s normal. That is because to you… he is the sexiest man alive. Hell. I don’t see it. But you do because you love him. And I am sure that is how he sees you too. Fear of losing him? The sweet ain’t as sweet without the bitter. Do yourself a favor. Reign in the crazy. Your guy is a guy. He won’t think like you because he is a man. He will do things all women think are stupid. Just like women will do things men think are crazy. It’s how it goes. But just do your best to live in the now. Enjoy your happy place and let go of what is keeping you from it. And for God’s sake let me keep my effing happy place because I’m tired of crazy land.
*Note* ‘Samantha‘ tried interrupting me a few times but I was done hearing it. The woman has a man that loves her. Man was dumb. Woman over reacted. Tale as old as time. I hope I helped my friend to see what I finally have the clarity to see. If not… at least I kept that sh*t real with her.