New with a past…

So you started seeing someone new. Everything is awesome. You like them, they like you, and everything is super shiny and new in your cute little beginning of a relationship. The stories have never been told before, and jokes are extra funny. You want to take this person around and parade them around like you would a new toy. You get butterflies thinking about them, and make sure you spend a little extra time to look nice before you go see them. The beginning really is the best time.

But what happens when you realize this person you’ve recently found yourself smitten with has a past? You may feel like the only person in the room when you’re with your new boo, but there was most likely a boo before you. How should one handle this delicate situation of addressing or not addressing a partners past?

Here is what I have learned works:

Less is more. I don’t think the specifics of who a person dated (or how many for that matter) are important. We’ve all heard the saying ‘curiosity killed the cat’ … So what happens when you learn details about a person’s dating life before you? Let’s examine two possibilities…

1 – You’ll find yourself comparing stats to an ex. Example: Well I’m much better looking than them OR I wonder if they think their ex is better looking than me…

2 – You may begin to judge your shiny new special someone because of their past. Example: How in the hell could they be with them? OR Are they going to do the same things (good or bad) with me? Oh there is no way we are going to this place because they used to go there…

Bottom line, when you start looking to the past, whether yours or theirs, you’ve stopped enjoying the present. The two above mentioned what if’s (of an endless amount of what if’s) can potentially change the way you feel about the person you’ve only just begun to enjoy. As always my friends, be sure to enjoy the present and take a walk on the wild side… Try my optimistic approach and see what might happen if you don’t get too busy with self sabotage.

Ever yours,

The Hopeless Romantic

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